I’ve been thinking back about this last year and a half, and trying to remember what my life was like before we embarked on this journey of parenthood.
It’s actually quite hard to remember, other than the mornings where we could sleep in and finish a coffee while it was still hot. Actually I never drank coffee before we had Theo! HA.
I feel blessed to be able to be in this role as Theo’s mama, and to be able to raise him is one of the greatest things I’ve ever been able to do.
I was sitting on our couch the other day, while he was napping. I was reflecting on how my son has grown so much in so many ways, not just out of every outfit he owns.
I had an ultrasound the other day to find out baby’s gender.. I’m still dying by the way as the envelope sits on our dresser while I write this.
When I was talking to the super nice lady who did my Ultrasound she was telling me all about her life, and her kids and how they are both so incredibly different. One was potty trained at 3 and one was already talking at 1 saying I need to poop. There for he was potty trained by 1 years of age.
I remember thinking in my head, talking, let alone already potty trained that’s crazy! I instantly felt like we were doing something wrong.
Our Theo says a few words, and he hasn’t even really said mama yet. Are we lacking in the communication department with our first child?
But then the ultrasound technician went on to say, I have two boys both COMPLETELY different children, hence one was so late being potty trained while the other was so quick. And she said that is why the whole mother hood shaming that goes on, or the constant “you should be doing this, you need to try this.. you should probably get him looked at” basically the constant opinions that come from other MOTHER’S is just ridiculous. Every child is different in so many ways, we all learn things differently and that is why you can’t listen to other people’s opinions.
After talking to her I came to a great conclusion…
You can’t let other people’s opinions shape the way you mom. Every child is different and what works for one may not work in the tiniest bit with the other. Sometime’s I’ll get caught up in what all the other babies that were born around the same time as Theo and I’ll get worried about why he might not be talking as much as them, but then again he started walking way before them.
So that just goes to show how different every child is.
There is so much judgement in general these days, but when it comes to parenthood oh my is there ever!
Your kid’s not nursing anymore, WHY? Your kid is still nursing wow you must really be attached! Your kid’s to small, or your kid’s to big. You should be careful with what you’re feeding him! He doesn’t know his colours yet, what have you been doing?! He is potty trained way to early, OR he isn’t even potty trained yet, here’s some books you can look at you should probably get on it! Your kid is homeschooled OH MY he will have no social skills your basically ruining their life. Your kid goes to a public school, you better keep a close eye! Your kid goes to a christian school, oh those schools are even worse! Your kid is a mama’s boy, OR your kid is a daddy’s girl. Wow do they have you wrapped around their finger. Your kid should be wearing a sweater they are going to catch a cold! Your kid is vaccinated? Have you even done your research? OR OMG your kid is not vaccinated they are not allowed to ever come around my kids, why would you do that to them! Your kid plays way to many sports OR your kid isn’t active enough.
Honestly there are so much you hear as a mom/dad/parent. It’s toxic. It’s toxic because 1 if you don’t ask for someones opinion then they shouldn’t be giving one in the first place but we live in a world where all we do is give opinions day in and day out, if you have ever listened to a conversation carefully you’d notice most conversations are either lead or end in opinions. It’s toxic because we are human and we for some reason take opinions very seriously, even if we don’t agree with the person it still somehow shapes our own opinion. Its pretty sad. Even if we don’t know the person or we just met!!! It’s disgusting.
I’ve always kind of been a people pleaser and when it came to someone’s opinion over me or my life it would consume me and shape the decisions I made. When I had Theo I went to a training seminar and caring about what people thought and always having to please everyone was broken off my life. I praise God for that because if I was still hanging on to that mentality the way I mom wouldn’t be the way I mom. It would be someone else version.
My husband and I have made decisions as parents that we know some of our closest friends and family members do not agree and would never agree with but we are OKAY with that because our child is not their child and our life is not their life, we live our own life and how we do things is based on the best interest for us and we believe whole heartedly that our heavenly father is leading us and guiding us every step of the way. That doesn’t mean we don’t love them or we don’t respect their opinion. Of course we love them, and we respect that their opinion is their opinion but just because that is their opinion does not mean it has to be ours and that is okay.
What honestly has helped me so much is just knowing that my life is grounded in Jesus, he is the one we run to and he is the one that leads us. His opinion matters deeply to me, and if I am going to run to anyone it is him. When the world feels like it is against me, or some of my closest family members or friends I know that Jesus is for me and I find peace in that.
We will never please everyone it’s impossible because everyone is so different.
Opinions are born from experiences that we’ve all individually had. As much as you think they are, they are not in your best interest. Most of the time they aren’t even the opinion of the person who is giving the opinion, it was someone else’s opinion that changed theirs!
So I challenge you to keep your heart guarded and don’t let opinions shape the way you do life or the way you mom, or the way you do anything. Ask your heavenly father to guide you, he is the only one that ALWAYS has your BEST interest. He is the one who knitted you in your mother’s womb. If we focus so much on what other people’s opinions are we may never get to the place where we are supposed to be, the place that God created you for.
I also challenge you to be slow to give opinions. Don’t be so quick to cast your own judgement on a topic just because it is being talked about, you could hinder someone’s life by the opinions you give, you could hinder the plan that God created them for with your opinions. So keep them to yourself.
Take a look at the person who is giving you an opinion and truly ask yourself do they have what you want in that area before you are so quick to let it form your own opinion.
If they are giving you an opinion about marriage, do they have the marriage that you want?
If they are giving you an opinion about your kids, do you want your kids to be like them?
If they are giving you an opinion about finances/money, do they have the savings account that you want, do they have investments? Do they give to the poor?
If they are giving you an opinion about their boss, do they have a good relationship with their boss?
When someone gives me an opinion about something, I know now to ask those kinds of questions before I am so quick to accept them and it has literally changed my life. As a woman, a wife, a mom and an entrepreneur. http://https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10159364388350512&set=a.10151519939515512.851592.622280511&type=3&theater